||[Feb. 27th, 2005|07:22 pm]
Hi, I smoked salvia last night and thought I would share my experience. This looks like a cool community, hope you dont mind me joining...|
So last night I was the brave idiot haha that smoked the 17x of salvia.
I smoked it and immediately started hallucinating. Then I was like, well I havent broken through yet, and I was dead set on breaking through so I asked for more. I managed to control myself to pack up more and smoke more.
I videotaped my experience, only so I could refer to it later and study it. I am a firm believer, more now than before, that the only way to "get out"is to GO IN.
Basically, inside your head is the pineal gland. A chemical called DMT is released at your time of birth and at your time of death. It is a mystery in itself.
I believe that we must pass through the gateway, portal, third eye, it has alot of names, but we must pass through that in order to reach the other side.
Last night, on the couch I was tripping balls. haha. But then I got up because I felt like the horizion I saw was being interrupted by this one guy, who is not at any fault for anything, I was tripping and I wanted peace. So I asked to go upstairs and when I stood up I talked in a weird way.
I said," We would like to go upstairs," referring to myself. When I said that, everyone was like, We? Uhm... hahahahahah and was laughing at me, but not hilarious but chuckling.
I* acknowledged that they were laughing and said," She thinks its funny that you laugh."
And they thought I meant a she in the room.
I patted myself and said, No, she thinks its funny.
And meant myself.
then I said...
"she thinks its funny that you notice her doing that"
--referring to myself, standing there, totally calm.
I had this weird smirk on my face. Like I knew it all or something.
I went upstairs and managed to pack yet another larger bowl of this stuff. I took it and handed the bong to my friend.
I fell into the wall, my back and then my head, SMACK!
Its on videotape...
So I fell and I started mumbling.
I said alot of things.
As I sat on the bed, I said, "I feel like Ill never be the touches of my fingers, I feel we'll always be that feeling.
makes me *some unaudiable word* my finger touch and now im absolutely amazed. "
Then I said--- (sounds like ) "Radasson ? will you grab me and tell me we've already been mistaken, cos we're going to go over here to do our Destroyer, the red.. you all think it's funny but the red, I know you right?
Okay then make it ok.
That was so horrible.
Oh my God, Oh my god (then I scream)
Help me, I feel like a ribbon in a ribbon in a ribbon factory, Touch me. But you were, you were one of those people. You were one of those people with the uppin things, get that out here," (then I get upset because my friend turned on christmas lights and i get up and run into the hallway and IM like the lights, the lights are scarying me)
I start screaming and fall onto the floor with my friend.
Then I say in a frantic upset high voice...
"But I wasnt me. I couldnt find you. I couldnt find you. I wasnt me. I couldnt find you."
I started saying, "SHhhhhhh Shhhhh. Shhhhhh.SHhhh."
Then I start laughing.
Then I start talking.
"I feel like Im part of this whole thing, this whole thing, I was so afraid. I was so afraid.
Shhhh Be quiet.
We're all part. We're all part, you just dont see it. Youre all part of everything, shh, not funny, I was apart of it moving, we're all part of it moving. It was scarying me, and I thought to myself, I part of everything and I want to be just one thing, and I was part of everythign and I kept waiting for myself catch myself, even right here in this reality, that's how it is, that's how it is that's when your made, that's when you come back. Shhh..
I want more. I kept thinking to myself, I want to be me. Your not who you are, you dont get to stay yourself.Im so afraid, this whole thing of energy I was spinning with it. And i couldnt find you, and I wanted to find you all. I thought they were killing me. It was horrible. All of a sudden they thought they were killing me"
It doesnt make a whole lot of sense, but I was telling my friends that.
Then I come around and I sit on my friends bed for a while.
I remember sitting there and all of a sudden I wasnt there anymore. I was apart of this huge blanket of 8 shaped things, something maybe I will paint for you to truly understand. It was red and yellow.
I was absolutely set on trying to smoke more. Like it was horrifying. It was horrible. It was terrible. But it was amazing.
I just realized something, death is equal, so is birth. Everything is like is one or the other.
Like negative and positive.
But not death. Not birth.
It's a tramatic blessing. A wonderful horrible experience.
Things in this life have to be balanced, but right in the middle of balance, right in between the negative and the positive is 0.
I dont ever want to smoke salvia again, but I cant wait to do it again.
I want to be my own scientist sometimes. Trying to decode this life. Its human nature to ask why.
But in all honesty, I think the movie, "The Matrix" comes pretty fucking close.
It was like I was in a matrix of everything.
I do want my individualality, but I dont want to be alone.